MODEL E3 FINAL DRAFT
Checklist For E3:
ORG Make a LOCATE statement
ORG Make a clear CLAIM.
ORG Mention one opposing CLAIM and answer it
ORG FORECAST
main points of support
ORG CONCLUDE by reflecting on how you have made your
points.
Should Junk Foods be Banned from Our Schools?
Many students are negatively affected by sales of junk food through vending
machines in their schools. Currently, many arguments are being made regarding the health
risks, financial benefits to schools, and the type of snacks available through these machines.
Many groups feel that vending machines are a prime source of income for most schools.
LOC One
newspaper opinion essay states that “money made from
selling junk food has
become a major
source of income for cash strapped schools. Eliminate it and many argue
after-school
activities and programs would go, too” (Enerson par. 6). However,
other
people argue
that vending machines in schools cause obesity. CLAIM In
this essay I will
prove
that vending machines can and should be allowed in the schools but only
when
filled with nutritious snacks. FORECAST And I will
support this
claim by citing consumer advocacy groups, doctors, parents and school
officials, and fast
food spokesmen.
Use TOPIC SENTENCES
that foreground YOUR points, then use citations to illustrate. Don't
begin paragraphs
with naked citations, retelling points from an article, or events from a story. The
sentence below is
a good example topic sentence.
Many consumer groups believe that selling sodas and candy in schools is like inviting trouble.
“With all of the disciplinary problems schools have, not to mention the students with
difficulty concentrating, making caffeine and sugar more readily available to the student body would
seem to be counterproductive” (Rouge par. 3).
Obesity is on the rise in the United States, especially in teenagers. Many medical doctors
blame this rise in obesity on vending machines. In this article, Dr. Curt Chaffin, M.D. says, “Many claim
that under-funded schools need money from vending machine sales to finance vital programs. But is
the health of our children worth the dollars raised from vending machine sales? Schools should be the
place where kids learn about proper health and nutrition. What kids learn in the classroom should be
reinforced by the school's nutritional offerings” (Chaffin par. 7). He also states that, “Typical vending
machines in schools offer our children only unhealthy choices such as chips, candy bars, and sweetened
soft drinks, which only lead to obesity.”
An article by Kelly Moore with the American Academy of Pediatrics agrees with Dr. Chaffin in
his opinion that vending machines are a cause of obesity. The article claims, “recommended
the removal of soft drinks from school vending machines, recognizing that the machines usually offer
unhealthy choices that are inappropriate for the school environment and can cause obesity.” (Moore, 2004)
All of these points have negative effects. For instance, students can learn to make better food
choices, but will not learn if no healthy snacks are offered in the machines. A hungry student will eat food,
and if unhealthy things are offered, than that is what will be consumed. The answer to the problem is
vending machines that offer 100% juices,
and healthy snacks. While many schools are
insisting that by
dropping
junk food and replacing it with healthier items will reduce profit, there are statistics
that prove
otherwise.
An article from the Parents
Advocating School Accountability reports on the effects that
changing options in the machines has had on revenue, “Bottled water and 100% juices replaced soda in vending
machines.” Sales and revenue for the School have actually increased," says Julie Kawamoto, Aptos' P.E. lead
teacher”(PASA
par. 2).
There is also proof that healthier snacks lead to a better learning environment which in turn leads to
better behavior in the classrooms. A study by the food industry's own Optimal Performance Institute proves
this statement. It says,
“Over the past three years, Central Middle School has made substantial changes:
• All soft drinks have been removed from vending machines and replaced with bottled
water and 100 percent juices.
• Candy has been removed from vending machines and a la carte sales. No candy is available for
sale to students during school hours.
• The PTA purchased a $4,000 vending machine for the school foodservice program.The machine
is stocked daily with milk, yogurt, pudding, string cheese, beef jerky, baked chips and fruit Lunchroom
discipline problems have decreased – from 183 per year (prior to changes) to only 36 in the first eight
months of the 2002-03 school year.
• After-lunch referrals to the principal’s office (for classroom and other behavior
problems) have also decreased – from 96 referrals (in 2001-02) to just 22 referrals in the first eight
months of the 2002-03 school year.
• Teachers report improved student behavior and attentiveness during 5th period classes (after lunch)
and say, “students are now rested, relaxed and ready to learn.” One math teacher reports that she has
“gained 10 minutes in instruction time” per class period. Over the past three years, Central Middle
School has made substantial changes:
• All soft drinks have been removed from vending machines and replaced with bottled water and 100
percent juices.
• Candy has been removed from vending machines and a la carte sales. No candy is available for sale
to students during school hours.
• The PTA purchased a $4,000 vending machine for the school foodservice program. The machine is
stocked daily with milk, yogurt, pudding, string cheese, beef jerky, baked chips and fruit.”
In support section: Mention one counter claim. Then answer it to persuade others to accept your position.
Obviously many things need to be accounted for when making a large decision such as whether or not
to keep vending machines in high school. When healthier snacks are provided instead of junky ones money is
still raised for those activities which have no funding, students may still snack between classes, and discipline
problems will decrease. Now that the facts have been presented, readers can see what a benefit having healthy
snacks in vending machines can be.
"Facts"
is problematic. Better to argue that your
selection of DATA is stronger than the other
side's. Don't forget: one
side's "facts" are the others side's "fictions." Also, remind reader of at
least one argument that you believe you have refuted. This makes clear that yours was the
stronger position. Use
"I" and self-reflect. "I
believe that by showing that X was not true, I have
proven Y."
Works
Cited: Make it a separate page.
Works Cited Page
Chaffin,Curt. “Fighting
Childhood Obesity: Change the Fare in School Vending Machines.”
Erlanger Consumer Health Online. July. 2004.
Erlanger Consumer Health Online. 1 Nov. 2004.
<http://www.erlanger.org/e/summer_2004/fighting_childh.asp>.
Don't forget those angle braces! <>.
PERIOD after angle brace. This
is MLA format for URL!
“Corporate Profits
in High Schools”
Rogue Pundit 11
Jan. 2004.
Rouge Pundit. 8 Oct.
2004.
<http://roguepundit.typepad.com/roguepundit/2004/01/
corporate_profi.html>
Enersen,
Jean. “What’s cookin’ at your child’s school?”
North
West Cable News 29 June.2004.
North
West Cable News. 1 Nov. 2004.
<http://www.nwcn.com/health/specials/stories/
NW_062004HEKgenrisk_schoolfood_SW.27e925519.html>
Hayes, Dayle. “Case Study from Whitefish, Montana.”
Optimal Performance Instituite. No date provided.
Optimal Performance Instituite. 2 Nov. 2004.
< http://www.opi.state.mt.us/PDF/SchoolFood/MBIHandout1.pdf>
Moore, Kelly. “Childhood Obesity.”
American Academy of Pediatrics. Jan. 2004.
American Academy of Pediatrics. 30 Oct. 2004.
< http://www.aap.org/nach/Obesity.htm>
“San
Francisco Middle School Banishes Cafeteria Junk Food”
Parents Advocating School Accountability. 31 Jan.
2003.
Parents Advocating School Accountability. 30 Oct. 2004.
< http://pasaorg.tripod.com/nutrition/aptos.html>